It is back

Suddenly out of no where the pain is back and worse than it has ever been.  I start a fibromyalgia study tomorrow.  Hopefully I get the real drug and not the placebo.  I have been surviving on over the counter pain medication and heating pads.  People don't understand the pain is so intense it makes you irritable and wanting to hide.  Unfortunately I caught a bug at the same time and feel like crap.  I have been doing nothing but sleeping and had to actually miss work for the first time in years because of the combination of being sick and in pain.

I'm hurting

I am hurting now.

I don't want to go back to the medications.
I do not want to be dependent on a substance to take away the pain.

I can't sleep.
I cannot get comfortable.
I hurt with each movement of my body.

You think you understand?
You cannot know what it is like to be in my shoes.

Sure I have taken on a lot.
But it is a far cry from where I was not so long ago.
I could not move. I could not exists. I hurt so badly I could not live.

What do I do?
How can I make it better?
I have faith that this too shall pass.

Life will go on.
I may hurt today.
But it is not forever.

The pain is back

Last night I went to sleep in more pain than I have felt in a longtime . I felt and still feel win I Was in an accident or fight . My joints and tissue hurt to touch. l took 2 OTC pain piles and turned on some relaxing sounds of Thunder . I woke up only once and drifted back asleep. That is until i was rudely awakened by the t.v. at five a.m.  I don't know why in the past month I have begun hurting again so badly. The  things I have realized is that I am not moving as much as I should and I need to lose some weight.  Actually a lot of weight. Or it could be the temperatures.  No matter what it is I have to push past it a and keep to my goals. 

For those of you who do not understand this pain, let me say it is like every bit of your body is on fire.  The slightest touch leaves you in agony.  Even the touch of covers on the body feels like a ton of weight at this moment the only parts not hurting are my face, feet and front torso. My arms are so sore at the elbow that when I bend my arm it feels like all my muscles are being ripped apart and off the bone. 

Do not consider this complaining this is part of how I deal I share these stories so others know they are not alone.