1-5-17 Migraine day 3

Day one of the migraine I tried to push through.  Pain level 8. I worked until  about 1:30 that afternoon.  I took sinus pills and over the counter migraine medication. (I really have been trying not to take medication and rely on natural remedies). I went to lunch and did not return.  It would have been time for me to go home anyway if I had.  I tried to walk and de-stress.  I got nauseated at lunch and could not enjoy the day.  I ended up coming home and going directly to bed after using my peppermint and rosemary.  I diffused calming blend and purify to clean whatever stressors from the environment.

Day two, I woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning and my head was worse. Pain level 10. My vision was blurred and my left side of my body was numb.  Imagine the numbness you feel when your leg falls asleep.  Now imagine it being 5 times worse.  I limped around the house, tried to stay hydrated and sat in front of the fireplace doing nothing.  I ended up showering and going back to bed where I stayed the rest of the day. I put peppermint and ylang-ylang on my feet and more rosemary, peppermint and ylang-ylang on my temples and back of my neck.  I buried my  head under the pillows to block the light.  I drifted in and out until 10:30 when I went back to sleep.

I realize that this may not just be the complex migraine but also fibromyalgia.  I have lower back, neck, shoulder and elbow pain.  It feels as if someone is drilling into my skull while beating the crap out of the rest of my body.  At this point I have tried the over the counter meds, some prescription, essential oils and teas.  I know the steps at this point. No alcohol, plenty of rest, nothing artificial, no sodium, plenty of water and no stress.  The last part is the most difficult.  How am I not to stress?  I am missing work.  Both jobs.  I am in pain. I am not used to being sedentary.

I try to get my mind off of it all by watching television.  As I sit here on day 3 and re-watch what I did last night, I don't remember seeing most of this.  My brain really shut down. 

Day three, I am losing my schedule.  I could not wake up this morning.  I am normally up and moving before the alarm.  I finally got out of bed at 10:30 my head is slightly better. Pain level 6. More tea and toast. Nose is bleeding now, great! The numbness is still there but his old companion chest pains have come along for the ride.  No I do not need to go to the hospital.  This is how my body handles the stress of the pain.  I have had my heart thoroughly checked. 

After eating, I came back to bed and am trying to do something to help me forget about the pain.  Writing, reading and crochet are my outlets I can do from the bed. Walking is out because it is cold and rainy. Cold increased the fibro pain and helps the head.  I will definitely have to cancel my client today as well as work.  Called work and let them know.  Sent a text to my client thankfully she can do another day. That gives me another day to recoup.

I  keep writing my current story for two reasons.  It is serving as a journal for me to chronicle my episodes.  It also is an outlet to release stress and frustration with my condition.  On the outside I appear together and I try to feel like that on the inside.  I keep going sometimes because if I stop I am afraid I will not be able to start again.  My conditions of complex migraines and fibromyalgia sometimes leave me depressed, weak and impatient. It has been a long time since I have been this bad. Six years ago I was suffering and taking so many pills to just exist.  I never want to be like that again.  If you meet me or someone like me, know that we would rather be anywhere but in bed.  We would do almost anything to get rid of the pain. Believe me I am doing everything short of acupuncture.  I will be looking into that soon.  The oils are working better with todays combination of roman chamomile and frankincense taken internally under the tongue every 30 minutes. This has got to go away.   

You know you have fibromyalgia when.......

You know you have fibromyalgia when.......

Out of the blue you are knocked down for a few days.  You are unable to move.  Your head or body feels like someone hit you with a sledgehammer. 

The pain of moving even the slightest bit causes you to tear up and sometimes cry.

Even your hair hurts. 

The slightest touch no matter how loving and gentle will bring you to tears.

You are in so much pain that you don't eat.

You are in so much pain that you don't sleep.

You feel the best when you are in a tub or hot shower. You dread getting out because for a moment the pain is gone.

People see you as a hypochondriac, lazy, boring, a complainer and anti-social.

You have taken so many prescription meds that you feel like you could write scripts for your friends and family.

You are on a first name basis with your physicians and nurses.

You have made so many trips to the hospital that you could drive it in your sleep.

You have your physicians personal number.

You find yourself quiet because you do not wish to bother anyone

You could most likely write a paper on your condition.

You feel so low sometimes that you do not want to be.

You have wished that it would end. You may have even thought of ending it yourself or even attempted as I did.

I have thought all of this over the past 15 years.  I was diagnosed in 2008 after going through hundreds if doctor visits and test.  The test were to rule out lupus, MS, and other autoimmune conditions.

I have been in bed since yesterday with a migraine.  Most don't understand the left side of my body doesn't function when I have a migraine. The neurologist said long ago that it is a sign that I will have a string of migraines.  It is also a sign that I need to slow down and take it easy. I normally do not have a choice. 

I have in the past six years done without pharmaceuticals as much as I can.  I have instead tried supplements, essential oils and exercise.  As this is my first bad episode in five years in which I am experiencing the numbness I feel taken aback.  I am taking myself off of sugar, known triggers and trying to sleep as much as possible. Controlling the controllable as much as I can.

I choose writing as an outlet as well.  Explaining to others about my journey I feel is my calling.  So many suffer in silence sometimes knowing there is someone out there is comforting.  I also am chronicling my own symptoms and things that work for me.  In the event of another episode I know what to do for myself.  I may also give someone something that may help them cope. 

Keep in mind you will never know how someone suffers until you suffer the same way.  Be empathetic and kind.  Everyone is facing some kind of battle.

It is back

Suddenly out of no where the pain is back and worse than it has ever been.  I start a fibromyalgia study tomorrow.  Hopefully I get the real drug and not the placebo.  I have been surviving on over the counter pain medication and heating pads.  People don't understand the pain is so intense it makes you irritable and wanting to hide.  Unfortunately I caught a bug at the same time and feel like crap.  I have been doing nothing but sleeping and had to actually miss work for the first time in years because of the combination of being sick and in pain.

I'm hurting

I am hurting now.

I don't want to go back to the medications.
I do not want to be dependent on a substance to take away the pain.

I can't sleep.
I cannot get comfortable.
I hurt with each movement of my body.

You think you understand?
You cannot know what it is like to be in my shoes.

Sure I have taken on a lot.
But it is a far cry from where I was not so long ago.
I could not move. I could not exists. I hurt so badly I could not live.

What do I do?
How can I make it better?
I have faith that this too shall pass.

Life will go on.
I may hurt today.
But it is not forever.

The pain is back

Last night I went to sleep in more pain than I have felt in a longtime . I felt and still feel win I Was in an accident or fight . My joints and tissue hurt to touch. l took 2 OTC pain piles and turned on some relaxing sounds of Thunder . I woke up only once and drifted back asleep. That is until i was rudely awakened by the t.v. at five a.m.  I don't know why in the past month I have begun hurting again so badly. The  things I have realized is that I am not moving as much as I should and I need to lose some weight.  Actually a lot of weight. Or it could be the temperatures.  No matter what it is I have to push past it a and keep to my goals. 

For those of you who do not understand this pain, let me say it is like every bit of your body is on fire.  The slightest touch leaves you in agony.  Even the touch of covers on the body feels like a ton of weight at this moment the only parts not hurting are my face, feet and front torso. My arms are so sore at the elbow that when I bend my arm it feels like all my muscles are being ripped apart and off the bone. 

Do not consider this complaining this is part of how I deal I share these stories so others know they are not alone.